Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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