Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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