Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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