my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
