it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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