Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
