So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
