Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
