also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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