Screwed.edu
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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