can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
