On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
