Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
