it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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