There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
