he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
