i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
