just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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