we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
