i think i have two assholes
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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