hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
