dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My vagina is officially offended.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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