everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
