he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
