fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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