My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
