Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize