My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
