You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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