and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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