the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
