Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
