His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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