I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
