need another drink. this is the easiest way
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
