i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
