Your tits are I can't wait for
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
