I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
