redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
