Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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