PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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