i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
