What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
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