I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
