She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
she woke up with a sticky ear
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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