i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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