i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I can't turn off my feet"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
i now understand why vodka
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
