the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
