He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
