I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
